you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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