I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
