Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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