Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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