im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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