So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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