I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
