He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
a search helicopter?!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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