I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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