Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
