dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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