i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
