I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
