She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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