I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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