at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
