you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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