I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
