Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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