You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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