he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
