i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
