i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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