i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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