Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
