Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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