Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
