Got a toothbrush?
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
