Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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