you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
did i just pee glitter
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
