It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
