what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
