I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize