I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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