put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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