and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
