just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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