I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
barbara walters just said penis...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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