My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i wish my penis had a tongue
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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