How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
