wanna go halves on a baby?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
