I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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