As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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