Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
