tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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