this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
