i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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