Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
