I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
