Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
