I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
