Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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