im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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