He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
