Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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