Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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