haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
