Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
