ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Randomize
