I will die if light touches me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I deserve this hangover.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
