3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
