the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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