whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
