I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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