Jerry, you need to find god
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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