My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
