you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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