No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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