honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
