there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
