So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
