i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
